Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Ah, Domestic Bliss

Dear TalkieToni,

I live with my boyfriend, and we have a sink full of dishes. I HATE doing dishes. I do all of the cooking, my boyfriend uses a new glass every time he gets a drink of water, and he never rinses anything off, like it is just going to magically un-crust in the dish washer. I really am thinking of just not doing them and then telling him that HE should always do the dishes, since he eats my food and uses the most dishes. Am I wrong??

Pissed off in Brooklyn

Well, POIB, I've got a few suggestions that will get your man to start cheating on you with that little whore otherwise known as your kitchen sink.

It seems to me that your boyfriend doesn't realize that he's doing anything wrong. Now, I have a lot of respect for good men, but most of them can be kinda stupid when it comes to picking up on subtle hints. A sink full of dishes won't necessarily set off an alarm in his head that he should snap to and get a sponge.

Real life example - I tried this tactic once regarding a bathroom trash can. I left it overflowing and quite nasty for more than 3 weeks before it was emptied. We happened to be cleaning together, and I casually asked "You wanna grab the trash in the bathroom, honey?" at which point he said, "Wow, there's a shitload of trash in here!" I then explained that I had left it to see just how long it would take for him to empty it on his own. His response was to stare blankly at me. Point being, he never noticed.

Your boyfriend may have a case of "The Mom's" which, historically speaking, has never been cured. You know - those guys whose mothers were awesome, yes, but never let their sons clean up after themselves resulting in an infantile approach to household duties. In this case, you need to sit down, and have a talk. Play up the emotions. "I have so much on my plate right now, I just can't live like this! We need to make this work (sniffle) for both of us." This should kick start the faucet, and if it doesn't suggest that he hire a cleaning lady to come in and clean the house once a week. When he complains how stupid and expensive it is, laugh, and whip out your hourly calculations on how much he owes you as his personal maid.

I happen to work in an office where, like many, people think that their dishes are going to magically appear clean after they leave them all crusty on their desks. My answer is always to end out a memo. That's right, a memo. Email the bastard. That's a pretty clear way to get your point across. Email lacks emotion, its a cold hard look at what's bothering you. He'll read it, and come home with a big bouquet of flowers, get down on his knees, and apologize, begging for forgiveness, explaining that he didn't even realize how he was hurting you. Follow it up with some nicely printed note cards above and around the sink with a picture of something cute that nicely says "Wash me" or "I love being with my friends in the dishwasher"

My next tactic would be some good old fashioned blackmail. Ladies, you know what I'm talking about. I don't have to get into this, simply said, no pink till he hits the sink.

Hopefully that helps. If not, just let it build up to the point that you can get yourselves on an episode of A&E's Hoarders, and then someone else will clean it for you.

Got a question? Email me!

1 comment:

  1. My roommates would never buy toilet paper, I was always the one that had to go buy it. Eventually I decided to test their laziness-I bought TP but kept it in my room and brought it to the bathroom as I needed. The result: a roll of paper towels next to the toilet.

    Men are helpless.